Away from the World..

"How much land did she say they have?"
"Twenty-eight acres."
"It's like they've got their own spot in the world, where the outside don't come in."
-The Secret Life of Bees

I really appreciate that quote. My grandmother has one-hundred ten acres and when I'm out there, I feel completely alone, but never lonely. It's like being in my very own heaven, or a dream land. Everything is as it should be, quiet and serene. As the character says in The Secret Life of Bees, it is some where to go to forget about the rest of the world. You can forget about time, money, people, and focus on serenity, love, and peace.

One of my friends and I have discussed the idea of nature, and how it has diminished greatly over the last one-hundred years. Ohio used to be covered in trees and open land, now it is rare to find such an area. We have to have parks to preserve not only plants and trees, but animals as well. We are knowingly and willingly ripping our mother earth of the things that feed her.

What's sad is I can't think of a solution. People keep having babies, babies grow into adults who need homes so they have have their babies, so our population continues to increase. Since we need the houses, I can't say "let's stop building things," but if we don't, we will eventually rid ourselves of the very thing that keeps us alive.

I think people forget that we need plants and trees to create oxygen so we can survive. And people take nature for granted. It's seen as a menace to most people, rather than something beautiful and important.

That's all I have to say at the moment. Enjoy the photos I uploaded. They were all shot on my grandmothers land this year. :)

Still the Same...

I have recently experienced a change in myself. I can look in the mirror and see a seemingly factual image: a healthy young woman.

For the longest time I thought I was overweight and ugly. But lately I've started noticing little things about myself that I like. For example, I actually think I'm pretty! I have never felt that way before.

Long story short, I have a healthy amount of self-esteem for once in my life. I am perfectly okay with everything about myself.

What I find interesting is that when I spend time with my friends that I have known for a long while, we fall back into our old pattern. I do/say something that they think is funny; they make fun of me; I feel badly about myself; I get defensive and try to hide it with a joke about them being jerks; and then they call me one of many names (blond, ditsy, stupid, etc.). I'm working on each of these situations as they come at me. I try not to react in the same way so that they will stop making those rude comments.

I am hoping to teach myself all over again. I believe that if I can accomplish this, my self-esteem will be exactly where I want to be, which is a very exciting idea.

I guess the point of this post is this: try not to fall into your old patterns once you have attained some sense of self-confidence.

As Christina Aguilera said so gracefully, "You are beautiful in every single way, no matter what they say."

Oh, the joy.

What a joy it is to read a new book! I just read the book For One More Day, by Mitch Albom (www.albom.com). The twists at the end..ohh my goodness. I cried twice, and literally screamed outloud (don't worry, it was a happy scream!). You should definitely put it on your Must Read list.

I wonder if anyone else goes through reading spurts like I do. I have a feeling no one does, except my friend Andrew. I read a lot from about age eight to probably twelve. Then I dropped it til age fourteen, then stopped a few months later. Now, three years later, I am on this reading kick that won't go away.

Not that I'm disappointed or anything. :)

Away..

Being away from home isn't nearly as terrible as I thought it would be, nor is it as fun.

For the longest time, all I wanted to do was move out and be independent. Live on my own, work, pay my own bills, etc.. Even though I'm not paying all of my bills yet (and won't be for several years to come), I'm starting to feel the weight of being an adult. It's pretty scary.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited about this new stage in my life. I absolutely cannot wait until January when I have my own house/apartment and have to sustaine myself. But it is a little frightening when you realize that you are seventeen years old and already an adult.

That was really all I wanted to say. I'm a little lonely sometimes, but it really isn't all bad. So for anyone scared about moving away from home, don't be worried at all. :)

Moving On...

Moving on in your life is scary.



Ever since I was a little kid I've been as independent as I could be, and since I was ten I've wanted to move out and live on my own. Pay my own bills, go to work or school everyday, and eventually get married and have kids. And I always wanted to do it early. I think that was because I wanted to impress my parents...I wanted them to be proud. It never really seems like they feel that way toward me. I suppose that's just because I'm young?



I've had a few plans, of which I've written about, but now that it's actually time to put those plans into action...I'm scared out of my mind. I'm conflicted because I don't want to stay at home with my mother, and I don't want to move in with my dad, yet I'm afraid to go to school and start my career.



I'm sure that all of this is completely normal, it's just difficult for me because I'm doing it a year early (just as I had always hoped), so none of my friends are going through the same thing. I feel completely alone.



Then I start to feel guilty for thinking I'm alone when I've got two best friends who are there for me 100%, and my very best friend who happens to be my boyfriend, who loves me like no other.



Is it wrong that I feel alone? WHY do I feel this way? Will this feeling go away? These are questions I ask myself all the time. I always just end up disappointed because I never find the answers.



I also get frustrated when I confide in someone about my fears and they say, "it'll be okay, it's only four months of school!" But what they don't understand is that I'll be three hours away from everyone I know, feeling even more alone while I go to school for several hours each day. Not to mention the homework I'll have every night and over the weekend, along with my required babysitting that I don't even get paid for.



I know that everyone who goes to any kind of school has to deal with these things, it just feels better to write it down, and my journal doesn't seem to help so much anymore. That's when I turn to blogspot. :)