Moving On...

Moving on in your life is scary.



Ever since I was a little kid I've been as independent as I could be, and since I was ten I've wanted to move out and live on my own. Pay my own bills, go to work or school everyday, and eventually get married and have kids. And I always wanted to do it early. I think that was because I wanted to impress my parents...I wanted them to be proud. It never really seems like they feel that way toward me. I suppose that's just because I'm young?



I've had a few plans, of which I've written about, but now that it's actually time to put those plans into action...I'm scared out of my mind. I'm conflicted because I don't want to stay at home with my mother, and I don't want to move in with my dad, yet I'm afraid to go to school and start my career.



I'm sure that all of this is completely normal, it's just difficult for me because I'm doing it a year early (just as I had always hoped), so none of my friends are going through the same thing. I feel completely alone.



Then I start to feel guilty for thinking I'm alone when I've got two best friends who are there for me 100%, and my very best friend who happens to be my boyfriend, who loves me like no other.



Is it wrong that I feel alone? WHY do I feel this way? Will this feeling go away? These are questions I ask myself all the time. I always just end up disappointed because I never find the answers.



I also get frustrated when I confide in someone about my fears and they say, "it'll be okay, it's only four months of school!" But what they don't understand is that I'll be three hours away from everyone I know, feeling even more alone while I go to school for several hours each day. Not to mention the homework I'll have every night and over the weekend, along with my required babysitting that I don't even get paid for.



I know that everyone who goes to any kind of school has to deal with these things, it just feels better to write it down, and my journal doesn't seem to help so much anymore. That's when I turn to blogspot. :)