Away..

Being away from home isn't nearly as terrible as I thought it would be, nor is it as fun.

For the longest time, all I wanted to do was move out and be independent. Live on my own, work, pay my own bills, etc.. Even though I'm not paying all of my bills yet (and won't be for several years to come), I'm starting to feel the weight of being an adult. It's pretty scary.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited about this new stage in my life. I absolutely cannot wait until January when I have my own house/apartment and have to sustaine myself. But it is a little frightening when you realize that you are seventeen years old and already an adult.

That was really all I wanted to say. I'm a little lonely sometimes, but it really isn't all bad. So for anyone scared about moving away from home, don't be worried at all. :)

Moving On...

Moving on in your life is scary.



Ever since I was a little kid I've been as independent as I could be, and since I was ten I've wanted to move out and live on my own. Pay my own bills, go to work or school everyday, and eventually get married and have kids. And I always wanted to do it early. I think that was because I wanted to impress my parents...I wanted them to be proud. It never really seems like they feel that way toward me. I suppose that's just because I'm young?



I've had a few plans, of which I've written about, but now that it's actually time to put those plans into action...I'm scared out of my mind. I'm conflicted because I don't want to stay at home with my mother, and I don't want to move in with my dad, yet I'm afraid to go to school and start my career.



I'm sure that all of this is completely normal, it's just difficult for me because I'm doing it a year early (just as I had always hoped), so none of my friends are going through the same thing. I feel completely alone.



Then I start to feel guilty for thinking I'm alone when I've got two best friends who are there for me 100%, and my very best friend who happens to be my boyfriend, who loves me like no other.



Is it wrong that I feel alone? WHY do I feel this way? Will this feeling go away? These are questions I ask myself all the time. I always just end up disappointed because I never find the answers.



I also get frustrated when I confide in someone about my fears and they say, "it'll be okay, it's only four months of school!" But what they don't understand is that I'll be three hours away from everyone I know, feeling even more alone while I go to school for several hours each day. Not to mention the homework I'll have every night and over the weekend, along with my required babysitting that I don't even get paid for.



I know that everyone who goes to any kind of school has to deal with these things, it just feels better to write it down, and my journal doesn't seem to help so much anymore. That's when I turn to blogspot. :)

Ignorance...

I dont understand how someone can scream at a child and then tell them to stop crying.

Or hit a kid and tell them to shut up.

Or yell at a child to stop yelling.

What is that about? Theres this lady I know who spanked her kids and one time when I was at their house, one girl hit her brother and her mom came over, spanked her and said, get this, "dont hit your brother." How do you think she learned to hit?

Honestly...peoples ignorance, neglect, abuse, and stupidity pisses me off.

Especially when it comes from someone close....

People..

I was talking to my boyfriend last week about people...he tried to explain to me the thoughts that go through his head. At the time, this is what I understood:

"I put myself in other peoples perspectives."

He thought it was fascinating..I didn't get it at all. But just recently I was lying in bed thinking about all the things he said, and now I see what he was talking about. He meant that he places himself in other peoples heads and tries to think the way they think, wonder what they wonder, remember experiences that he himself may not have ever even considered.

At least that's what I think he meant. Either way, I'm obsessed now. Every person I see I think about what might be happening in their life, their hardships and their blessings alike.

When Andrew was trying to make me understand, he said two things that really caught my attention. One was this; you see a person walking down the street and you forget about them as soon as they pass. What we seem to forget is that the man or woman walking past you is an individual person with very personal thoughts and experiences. At first I didn't see why that was interesting. I used to look at random people and recognize the fact that they're human beings with their own minds and lives...but I never really thought about it like that.

The second thing was when we were almost back to my house and we saw someone pull into a drive thru for alcohol and Andrew pointed them out. He asked questions like, "Why are they going in there? Why do they think they need it? What's going on in their life that makes them want to escape?" That's what interested me. In fact, it interests me to no end.

Maybe this will open someones eyes (though no one ever reads this..) like the thought opened mine.

That's all I have to say.

Steadily sliding down hill...

When you think of Disney, do you think of the old classics such as Aladin, The Little Mermaid, and Fantasia? Or perhaps the newer films such as High School Musical (1 & 2), Cory in the House, and Hannah Montana? Though all these productions are popular but, to me at least, they don't have the same feel as the original hand-drawn Disney movies. Don't get me wrong, I like High School Musical and Meet the Robinsons...but they don't even compare to Bambi and The Fox and the Hound.

I don't know why I wrote this, but I wanted to voice my opinion (surprising, I know).